Preparing For Birth? The #1 Thing You Need To Know.
You’ve probably landed on this page in search of the quick fix, secret sauce, spark-note version of what you need to know before giving birth. Let me debunk any false expectations from the get-go.
What I’m about to share with you…
WILL:
Give you confidence in your inherent ability to birth
Clarify how to align your birth with your unique values
Quiet your fear and anxiety around the dreaded unknown
WILL NOT:
Tell you what your birth should or will look like
Claim to be the key to eliminating and negative feelings about your birth
What do vulnerability and unsolicited advice have in common?
Maybe you’re already pregnant or just thinking about getting pregnant. In either case, you have already served as the emotional toilet bowl for other women to purge their experience into. Essentially anytime you’ve heard a statement starting with “when I gave birth….” - whether you asked or not - you’ve been on the receiving end of everyone’s #1 favorite thing to give and #1 least favorite thing to receive…unsolicited advice.
Let’s face it, pregnancy is an unbelievably vulnerable time. It’s almost as if, during pregnancy, we revert back to our two-year-old sponge-like selves… absorbing everything around us effortlessly, continuously, and indiscriminately.
Mix this perfectly set vulnerability stage with a heavy dose of other people’s ‘solutions’ to your situation that you never asked for, and KABOOM…fear and anxiety hop into the driver’s seat and any chance for control over your emotional desires for your birth gets kicked to the curbside.
Unsolicited (often fear-based) advice + heightened vulnerability = decreased control over how you feel during your birth.
ENTER… the importance of self discovery to determine your birth vision…
How to clarify your Birth Vision
The reality is that if you don’t develop a vision for your birth, you will allow other people and circumstances to direct how you feel.
Set aside at least an hour with your partner, close friend, or trusted support person and use the following prompts to discover what your vision is:
“In my life I’ve felt most vulnerable when____.” Think back to significant emotional events in your life and how they impacted you. What was your response to them? How would someone from the outside looking in describe how you coped? Understanding your brain’s primitive response of feeling vulnerable can help give cues to your support person on when you are no longer coping productively.
“I feel confident in making a decision when ____.” Maybe you’ve met people who are able to jump into something with zero information… while others need to understand something at a PhD level before moving forward. Understanding how you feel most empowered when making decisions can be the difference between feeling like things are happening TO you or feeling like you are an active participant in what you are choosing TO do.
“When I feel out of control my first response is to ____.” One of the keys to a positive birth experience is the birthing person maintaining a sense of control. With a deeper understanding of these cues (audible or visible), the birthing person and/or support person can use verbal or physical support to bring the birthing person back into a sense of control. For example, when a partner notices a stress cue, they can reinforce a steady breathing rhythm and say “you’re doing great, now follow my lead”
“In my life, I’ve felt the most safe and secure when____.” Take into consideration what specific verbal and physical affirmations play into each category. Your partner or support person’s job is to become an expert in how to protect your feeling of safety and security throughout labor and birth… and beyond!
“When I envision an empowered birth, this is what I see…” - The sky is the limit here! Think of sights, sounds, smells, methods of support, etc. While you can’t control what exactly will happen during your birth, coming up with an empowerment vision board gives you a positive point of reference to deflect that inevitable unsolicited advice we talked about.
Once you’ve finished exploring these ideas, take a deep breath, make your favorite feel-good snack, and revel in the fact that you’ve taken the first step towards taking control of your birth. What you just went through IS the work… the raw, juicy, often vulnerable foundation you will use as a jumping-off point for the affirming mindset you protect while you’re bringing your baby into the world.
Most importantly, your birth starts with YOU. In all your unique, powerful glory. And that is something no unsolicited advice can ever pull you away from.
The one AND ONLY affirmation you need to remember for an enhanced birth experience:
YOU are in ULTIMATE control over how you get to feel when you give birth.
A little something extra just for you…
Through my work as a doula, I’ve spent countless hours sifting through the information and resources to share with my clients. I’ve also done the legwork of filtering OUT any of the information that falls into the fear and anxiety inducing category.
Here’s a little FREE resource I’ve put together of the top 6 FREE resources I’m currently loving for birth and postpartum: